Some superhero masks are dashed silly

I’m firmly pro superhero. Having a wild imagination and no art talent, I literally tortured my good friend Ayo Adene into drawing tens of sh concepts in a collection I started in 8th grade. In this golden age of superhero movies, I take time out of plots for world domination to go see ’em even unto sneaking out into the IMAX screenings in the dead of night. Heck I’m taking a break from homework right now! My view is that if it’s a sh movie from my boyhood, I will watch it; even if I have to bitch about how much I hated it for the next 2 months. Being present at each of these is the whole gag, even if it was directed by a retarded monkey (not seen one of those yet, thankfully).

But here is where all bets come off – why do superheroes think that some flimsy mask will hide their effing secret identity???@#! Take a gander above. Can not everyone see that cat under that green zareba is Ryan Reynolds or gasp!, Hal Jordan?? Who is he kidding? Clark Kent dons on some spectacle and brushes a curl into his hairline and he assumes we’re completely foiled that he is Superman. Bruce Wayne thinks his jutting jaw and pimple are not immediately recognizable by close girlfriends when he’s cleverly disguised as a karate kicking bat in human form; Never mind that they know he works out all day in the gym. Pfugh!

Some superhero masks are dashed silly, requiring you to suspend disbelief about how recognizable a chappie is in and out of costume. Someone should tell these super dudes that the sense of facial recognition is probably the only super power that is widely distributed among the regular population. It’s no use doing half measures. Someone will spot you and put your sweetheart and business at risk, among others. If you want to conceal who you are, you better do it right like good old Spidey/Peter Parker and don the full face mask.

Patch masks and spectacles forsooth!